you traded sex for a burrito?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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