I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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