I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
