I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
