So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
