My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
