It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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