Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
