My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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