last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
