you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
