I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
