Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
