Your face is a jimmy john
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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