Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
