Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize