There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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