U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize