We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
