what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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