how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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