so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
