Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize