i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
