I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
