i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
