So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
