His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
