So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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