Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There r osticjed everywhere
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
