The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
