Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
