I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
