he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
