It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
