you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
