last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
