I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
