i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
