Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
