No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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