yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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