So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
