I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize