How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
