its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
