Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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