Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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