I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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