He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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