I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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