Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
