sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize