why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
