it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
