She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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