Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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