dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
this is an emotional support booty call
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
