Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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