Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
