i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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