2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize