My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
