Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
