last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
