I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
