I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
