Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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