He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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