If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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