Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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