i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
