as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
