i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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