just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
