watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize