it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
