I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
