I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
