Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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