At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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