whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
