Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
