I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
