I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
