I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
