i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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