I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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