i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
