Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
