then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
