It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
