I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
