I have demons in me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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