He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
