I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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