I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
