i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize