the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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