Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
