The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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