Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
